This is a photo of my daughter, on the left, with a dear friend of hers - another Australian - who lived on the block in Brooklyn NYC and who had a baby about the same time. Each of them had an older child, too.

What I wanted for my daughter in those years when she was caring for a baby or toddler is exactly what I would want for you. I wanted her to be surrounded by people who respected her, who enjoyed her, who revelled in her strengths and tenderly allowed her limitations, without judgement or condemnation. (For we all have strengths and limitations, that's the truth.)

I wanted her to feel that she had friends she could reach out to nearby, who would be there for her when she was struggling. I especially held this hope in my heart for my daughter because she and the children lived (and still live) so far away from me.

I also wanted her to feel empowered enough to step back from people who might judge her harshly, or fail to respect how hard she was trying as a mother, or worse, who might treat her with contempt.

We are all prone to judging others and we all make mistakes, regularly. There would be friendships where it is worth raising the judgement that you're feeling as a problem, and working through it together. But there are also situations that are best to avoid, groups that just don't work out, personalities that you might have the strength to be around some days but not on others.

I hope you are spending time with kind and encouraging people, limiting time spent in friendships that don't feel right, and taking care to seek out more new friends who are kind and encouraging, just as many as you can find.

We need to create our own 'village' when we have a baby or toddler.

Recommended resources, acknowledgements, and selected references for the articles in the Caring for you section of The Possums Sleep Program are found here, including selected research evaluations of both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion-focused Therapy in the perinatal period.