Being strict about highchair mealtimes can backfire and disrupt a toddler's relationship with food

It’s ok that your toddler may not want to sit down with food for more than a few minutes, because toddlers naturally like to move on quickly to the next sensory adventure!

Toddlers are sensitive to feeling pressured to eat or pressured to stay sitting in a highchair. Accidentally putting your toddler under pressure to eat or stay in the highchair can actually backfire and cause eating problems. Over time, with encouragement but without being pressured, your toddler will learn to fit in to family rhythms because it’s a fun and satisfying way to be together. You don’t need to rush this.

Grazing is normal for toddlers. What matters is that you give them good quality options with lots of fresh fruit or vegie snacks (not sticky dried fruits, for example!) between mealtimes.

'Grazing' is normal for toddlers

You can encourage your little one to wait a little while for mealtimes rather than letting them fill up on snacks beforehand, so that they are hungry enough to be interested in the main meal. Some families like to plan times for breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, and dinner. But this kind of schedule doesn’t suit a lot of families and their toddlers.

The problem is that if we get too controlling about snacks and mealtimes, we might find our toddler starts to develop anxious and negative associations with food. Too much control can quickly backfire and accidentally disrupt your little one's relationship with food. This is why it's so important to be relaxed about food, and mostly focus on enjoyment and having lots wholesome food choices available very frequently throughout the day, rather than feeling under pressure for your toddler to stay in a high chair and eat a certain amount at designated mealtimes.

Even if your toddler doesn’t seem to like some foods at first, keep offering those foods again in a relaxed and casual way. Experimenting is an important part of your toddler’s relationship with food.

Needless to say, have plenty of water available too!

Selected references

Pjetraj D, Pjetraj A, Sayed D, Severini M, Falcioni L, Svarca LE, Gatti S, Lionetti ME. Decoding Picky Eating in Children: A Temporary Phase or a Hidden Health Concern? Nutrients. 2025 Dec 12;17(24):3884. doi: 10.3390/nu17243884. PMID: 41470829; PMCID: PMC12736178.

McCann J, Woods J, Mohebbi M, Russell C. Regulated nutrition claims increase perceived healthiness of an ultra-processed, discretionary toddler snack food and ultra-processed toddler milks: a discrete choice experiment. Appetite. 2022;106044:106044.

Acknowledgements

I'm grateful to Professor Sophie Havighurst, Ros June, and Caroline Ma at Mindful, The University of Melbourne, for their feedback on the articles and videos in Little people + food (brief & simple). They helped me keep the language plain and the concepts as accessible as possible.