Hiromi's work colleague Garth has a ten month old and a toddler. Usually Garth clears out as quickly as possible after work to get home and play with the kids so that his partner Caitlin can have a break or cook dinner. Some days when Caitlin is at work it's his turn to pick them up from childcare. But on this particular day, Caitlin tells Garth he should have a beer after work with Hiromi before Verity's baby arrived.

"Don't try to tell her what to do," Garth says to Hiromi over a beer. "Or if you have something you'd like to talk over about the baby and breastfeeding and so on, wait for the right moment when she's ready to hear and then let her make the decision. ... You've got to find ways in which you can support her physically, do all the housework, let her take the lead, and support her even if you don't get where she is at. She'll need the space to work it out between her and the baby."

"Right." Hiromi's eyes widened, and he began to look nervous.

"Two other tips," Garth continued. "Interact with the baby as much as you can. Do all the housework and offer a glass of water every time she feeds the baby."

"Got it." Hiromi sipped on his beer, wondering how seriously he should take this conversation. Offer her a glass of water every time she breastfeeds?

Garth had vivid memories of the chaos of those exhausting first days with each baby, no sleep and lots of screaming, especially with his first. It was all coming back to him, now he was talking about it.

"Even if she says she wants cabbage leaves to put on her breasts," Garth says, looking at Hiromi with deadly serious intent, "take it from me mate, your job is to go and buy the cabbages, put the leaves in the freezer, then help her put them on her breasts, without saying a single word. Got it?" Garth takes another sip of beer. Hiromi nods slowly, nodding vaguely.

"Ok, I'm taking this in."

Then in a little while Hiromi asks: "Are you serious about the cabbage leaves?"

"Yeah I read they don't work. But there came a day in the first week once we were home with the first one when Caitlin instructed me to go out and buy a cabbage. Apparently there was a time when all the ladies sat in hospital with frozen cabbage leaves in their bras, and she was desperate and wanted to give it a go."

Hiromi sighed to himself, trying to imagine that level of desperation.

But once he and Verity's baby arrived, he completely understood.