The power of noticing sensations during breastfeeds
The power of attention
Our mental health depends on our capacity to alter where we place our attention. The healthy anchor for attention, the place we want to gently return our attention to over and over throughout the rest of our life, is this moment in time in which we find ourselves - in this body.
When I talk about returning attention to the present moment with an exhausted mother of a baby, I can see her thinking: oh no, more work, something else to fail at. But I say: it’s like a falling, it’s not work at all, it’s just like gently falling, over and over again, into all the marvellous things you can see and hear and touch and feel and smell in this one, never-to-return moment in time.
To do this, we need to pay attention to very small details that gives themselves to us so generously in the moment: the sounds we hear, the sensations inside our bodies – where are our feet? What are we feeling in our shoulders? Our gut? Can I notice my breath passing in and out my nostrils, what we can see. Often there may be unpleasant sensations – painful emotions, located in the gut or the heart, which we can notice and breathe around and make space for.
Breastfeeding anchors our attention in the present moment
Breastfeeding is an embodied practice. I've never been a meditator but I loved breastfeeding, because (as a younger woman with a very busy mind!) it anchored me in what was real, in the rich cloud of sensations of my body, in the joy of my precious children whom I loved to inhale and caress and cuddle up close. Breastfeeding anchored me in the sensations of a little one at my breast, suckling and drinking, in a kind of stillness and letting go of time and plunging into the present moment where my little ones and I could simply be, together.
Breastfeeding is an embodied practice which, at its best, heals our busy minds and drenches us in enjoyment, at the same time it lays foundations for a physicality of love right throughout the rest of childhood.
There is nothing as healing, as wholesome, as wonderful for the human heart, as the deep, still, loving attention and physical closeness of a person who adores us. There is nothing as important for the developing human (food and safety aside) as the deep, still, loving attention and physical closeness of an adoring parent.
In giving this attention as you give your milk, you might discover at times, as a breastfeeding woman, a deep and empowering joy: here you are, nurturing life - the precious future of this planet - from your very own body and soul!
Paying attention to and being grateful for the elemental fact of aliveness is an antidote to our fears and our worries about the world around us. If we manage to get little else done in the day but pay loving attention to a child, we're doing a great job!
And at other times, of course, breastfeeding's just a task we get done. But breastfeeding is always an opportunity to practice bringing our attention into the present moment, at least some of the time. Cultivating this habit of mindful attention stands us in good stead for the rest of our lives.
Breastfeeding problems can make us feel miserable
It's normal when we have breastfeeding problems for our mind to become miserably busy, with exhausting thoughts like:
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I’m dreading the next breastfeed
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I'm not going to be able to do this
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It shouldn't be this hard
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How ridiculous to fail as a mother in this way
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If I have to use formula I am harming my baby.
We can expect thoughts like these when things aren't going well with breastfeeding. We just don't need to believe everything our mind says to us.
It’s also normal for your mind to dissociate from the painful sensations you have in the nipple and breast. This dissociation is often how women keep breastfeeding despite nipple pain.
As tempting as it is to dissociate from pain during breastfeeding, it's best to lean into your bodily sensations
But in fact it’s best to continue to bring your attention into the present moment, and in particular
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The sensations of your nipple and breast, using micromovements to find that place where there is no discomfort or pain, so that you can experiment
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Your baby’s subtle communications, slight agitation, slight squirming, or big agitation and big squirming, so that you can experiment with responding, again with micromovements.
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And as you notice, you have opportunity to practice your self-compassion ninja skills. Your weary, aching, hurting body deserves so much love and self-compassion!
This will be the way through.
Recommended resources
Things to know about your brain's thinking processes after you've had a baby
How can you become a self-compassion ninja when you have a baby or toddler?
Why your values matter when you're facing baby or toddler problems
It helps to pay attention to things you're grateful for when you're caring for a baby or toddler
